http://ladysubrosa.livejournal.com/  - Daily Doodle (a song? or other thing)

I'm trying to start something interesting up.  Not a new personal blog, but a doodleblog I started so that I can force myself into drawing something everyday.

I know i haven't posted here in forever, but a brief update from where we left off

-I spent the last semester slaving over at Kinsolving, gettin PAID
-I got all A's in the classes I slaved over. w00t
-I signed a lease for my very first apartment and it is tré chíc! bien exciting!
-I sacrificed most of what I got PAID this semester to the Adobe software gods and got myself a true blue copy of the CS4 Production Suite :D *for students
-I'm back home and looking for work.  Calling center?  Theatre?  Blockbuster?  Starubcks?  ANYTHING,KTHANX
-Texas gov with Claudette and Online Brit Lit start monday
-I....failed?  the driver's permit test >:|.  So I am in the process of studying the stupid statistics and rules no driver actually keeps in mind while on the road so I can try again.
-I am working out/eating less! and enjoying daytime talk show programs, shows about food
-I rewatched Arrested Development for the 23943287x time.
-I still need to finish Good Omens! :(
-I started reading Bellen!  So cute and great.  My new webcomic love.  Still need to catch up with QC!
-I did something pretty bad
-Many debaucherous fun times were had at the end of the semester 
-Many fun times continue to be had with friends here :)
-This summer should be good if I stick to my plans!


That is all, goodday!

Will I ever find the right thing to do?

wheeeeee Korean pop!

SERIOUSLY, MERYL STREEP WAS DAMN FIERCE IN DOUBT HOLY SHIT.


Forgetting Sarah Marshall was amazing.

I'm starting to understand why everyone enjoys Freaks and Geeks!  On the 3rd ep now.

Need to play that stupid guitar sometime while here.


take a good look, micheal.  because its the LAST time.








SPRING BREAK, WHOOO.

Was the way she made the old saying so painstakingly true.

If you love someone, let them go.

She also made it clear that if you love someone, you want them to grow and be happy in their own self.  No matter how much it hurts to let go, and it sure hurt to say goodbye, if you know it will leave the other better...It is the sacrifice you should be willing to make.

Love should not be forced.  Even if it is unrequited, you should never push the other person when they don't feel the way you do, too.  If they feel the same, congratulations you've found love for at least some time.  If it isn't a mutual feeling, then chances are the person has some sympathy if not a different sort of love for you.  If you learn to accept that, that is wonderful because you can still enjoy one another.  However, if you don't, sometimes you must split paths to understand better who you are and where you can find your own mutual love.  The person on the other end of your unrequited love more than likely hopes the better for you if you ever open your eyes to look for it.

Some love can be lasting, usually the kind that unites friends and families.  Romantic love might seem lasting, but it could never have the same power of friendship because friendship exists without any pre existing expectations complicated by romance.  One always hopes it does last, but if it breaks...life goes on.

And with that I close this little thought on love and how its affected my life and the lives of those around me.

Maybe you should read Tess of the D'urbervilles to ease your own sorrow, but please stop reading my journal and assuming it has to do with you, when that can't be farther from the truth.  Not everything revolves around your previous relationship, so please leave me alone.  I never did anything to you other than one thing, but please don't go blame all of your problems on me.  I would never place  a burden like that on nearly a complete stranger.  Kindly leave.

That had nothing to do with what you thought it did, so please leave me be.

I miss the genuine happiness I remember.
I think it disappeared in December,
But parts had been fading away for months
If not years.

I miss being nice and having everyone be nice to me.
That pleasure has gone
replaced by mean-spirited cynicism.
Sure, its more interesting,
but god does it sting.

whoo.  What else is new?

Take note, smoker buddies :O!

It is always good to read about how some of your bad habits might be good for you. When news that organic dark chocolate was good for you in small qualities, I did the happy dance. And although, I am personally not at risk for stroke, I am still happy to hear that drinking coffee may reduce the chances of women having strokes.

The finding stems from the tracking of both coffee habits and stroke occurrence among tens of thousands of American women across nearly a quarter century. And it adds to earlier indications that coffee might also offer some protection against diabetes, while not raising the risk for heart trouble.

However, the current evidence also includes a cautionary note for smokers: Their habit seems to wipe out whatever protection long-term coffee drinking might otherwise confer.

"Many people have been very concerned that coffee might actually be a risk factor for stroke, that it might, in fact, increase the risk of stroke," said the study's co-author, Rob M. van Dam, an assistant professor at Harvard Medical School and Harvard School of Public Health, in Boston. "But here we saw that it might end up being beneficial rather than detrimental."

So drink up that coffee.

PS-I totally quit smoking, did I forget to mention that?

via US News and World Report.

I am a lame pack rat who never tosses receipts until a year later.  I cleaned out a few right now (to tear any potential sensitive info before recycling), and I found it kind of funny how they brought back nostalgic value.  While I abhor how they link me to the unfortunate consumer cycle, I can't help but smile when I remember when and where the purchases were made, and how and who with.  The biggest thing that gets me is that a lot of the ones I was looking at were from last fall and winter break.  Funny how far away a lot of that feels to me right now.  It was enough to have a social anxiety attack yesterday, but I almost want to cry when I think about how I made my nearly friendless bed I've been sleeping in. 

I know it is my fault.  I'm just sad because I feel so lonely lately for lack of companionship with the ones I love who have lost faith in me.  I guess this is just a lesson to learn.  I guess this will all, in a way, make me stronger for if and when something like this happens to me again.


Well, at least there were a couple of really cute receipt memories.  I never noticed, but on a couple of these, my servers were cute and either wrote a sweet note thanking my party for coming or drew a silly smiley face.  That's definitely the kind of thing I'd do when in a silly mood if I were a waitress.

one:
-vinyl gloves
-pop tarts
-cute classes
-killer music taste
-jams
-cool reads
-neat shoes
-twilight princess
-vegetarian hot and sour soup
-pool i never swam in
-harry potter chats
-cute speak
-hankerchiefs
-homosexy master debaters
-coolest hair
-broken arm
-cat
-one dog now
-guitar night light
-funny faces and noises
-laughs
-tears
-good times
-shitty times
-apologies forgiven
-apologies unheard


a:
-beautiful voice
-every song you've ever heard.  ever
-couch naps
-tofu stir fry
-drenched in lime/chile/salt
-fierce hair
-needs more self esteem
-cool siblings
-sweetest and wisest mother
-no more cat
-junior
-pad cake
-conchords
-warped tour
-bright clothes
-vivian
-scarves and sunglasses
-smutty romantic trash
-guilty guilty pleasures
-stopped answering


alpha:
-video fucking games
-nerdery to the max
-dr whooo
-house
-They might be giants
-Nightmare of You
-Tegan and Sara
-cheesy, but enjoyable
-two pairs of the same shoes
-too much taco bell
-cute expressions
-needs more art cinema, but brings the lolz
-firebird
-jonothan coultan
-interwebs
-walks along campus
-"you're going to eat that?!"
-which wich
-Hardcore CA
-Suuuby
-Chaaaaaaan
-Queer
-Webcomics
-Fun times
-the feeling is mutual

Because I hate to bore you with the inner workings of my recent history

-Watch Coraline in 3D.  Preferably at a Drafthouse.
-Learn more Spanish
-Watch documentaries in Spanish about Spain, Mexico, Central/Latin America
-Buy fair trade/organic stuff.  Stop being a selfish bitch
-Shut up in class when you know you sound retarded
-Play musical instruments when you get the chance
-Listen to something that isn't Morrissey (but don't stop listening to Morrissey)
-Do little acts of good where and when possible.  You need to build up your karma after wasting it all away
-Buy the fucking TeXercise pass now that you have your paycheck.
-Listen to PotterCast when you're feeling lonely.
-Study abroad in Spain or Mexico? (damnit, probably Mexico)
-Join some sort of community service type thing.  Maybe PeaceCorp if your not a wee wee.  Maybe Citizen or AmeriCorp.  We'll see.

End Transmission, no honorable mentions :(

I hate myself so much sometimes.  I really really do.  Way to go, shutting out the only one who's actually there for you.  Nice job.

Or would attempt to
So, console me
Otherwise, hold me
Just when it seems like
Everything's evened out
And the balance
Seems serene

Trouble loves me
Walks beside me
To chide me
Not to guide me
It's still much more
Than you'll do

So, console me
Otherwise, hold me
Just when it seems like
Everything's evened out
And the balance seems serene

See the fool I'll be
Still running 'round
On the flesh rampage
Still running 'round

Ready with ready-wit
Still running 'round
On the flesh rampage
- At your age !
Go to Soho, oh
Go to waste in
The wrong arms
Still running 'round

Trouble loves me
Seeks and finds me
To charlatanize me
Which is only
As it should be
Oh, please fulfill me
Otherwise, kill me

Show me a barrel and watch me scrape it
Faced with the music, as always, I face it
In the half-light
So English, frowning
Then at midnight I
Can't get you out of my head
A disenchanted taste
Still running 'round
A disenchanted taste
Still running 'round

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

So, I've decided to give up on being mean.  I've been doing it for too long and it's taken a toll on my character.  I remember a time when I was so nice, but somewhere along the line I grew bitter and defensive.  I'm not quite sure where it all came from, but I became suspicious of everyone and their intentions.  I lost my earnest and happy self to a cynic.  I began to take the good things and people for granted.  I avoided eyes and encounters with everyone but my really close friends.  I stopped being open.  I stopped being warm.  I stopped looking forward to days.  All of this to instead morph into a souless creature I can't even say I really know anymore.  I don't like this at all, and I miss who I was.

Was it the Morrissey?  No.  The Morrissey continues to be my outlet, along with other things.  I feel it was the paranoia of everyone else that made me disenchanted with everything.  As noted, I feel defensive.  When I step back and look at things, I have to ask myself why I get this way.  There is no basis for me to suspect everyone holding ill will towards me, absolutely none.  Other than perhaps academically, I have no reason to feel I need to compete.  What for?  For someone's attention?  That is just pointless and leads to unneccessary animosity.  I disagree with war and violence, so why in the world did I ever start fighting the world?  I need to relearn that life is not for making enimies, but making friends. 

A part of that is acting nicer to everyone.  Even people I am not well aquainted with.  Even my initially percieved enemies.  So, I hope to start smiling more at people.  Replace the all too often used sarcasm with genuine interest and concern.  I want to be my old self, and I want to be happier with the good life I'm living.

To all and any I've offended, this is my formal apology.  I'm honestly sorry.  I was never one to be cruel in the past, and it isn't becoming on me at all.  It isn't becoming on anyone.  Regardless of if I'm treated this way, I always wish to respond with respect.  If it is what I want from the world, I must give it first.


Aside from that, I'm finishing up my first assignment for Marselett's class, a flipbook.  I hope he doesn't grade too harshly.  The first week of class was brutal what with all the work in the dining hall, but I'll pull through and I must.  I bought a locker at the gym so I'm more motivated to go, I think.  I also really enjoyed the ballet class I took last week and hope to purchase the TeXercise pass so I can continue going.  I also applied for a different job, but I haven't heard back yet.  Well, if anything I can develop more stamina and customer service skills from working in the dining hall, right?  And it is probably better pay, anyway.  Outside of my job, I'm really enjoying my Gender and Sexuality Issues in the Media class, although the readings have been a little hit or miss for me.  The Feminist Film Theory text is great.  CS should be good, as well, especially since I've already got a bit of experience in Java.  That will help me.  Spanish prof is cute because he has everything pretty well organized and seems pretty enthused to be teaching us.  I think this semester will be pretty great.

So, classes start again tomorrow. I'm excited because I got in to the animation class after all! Tomorrow I start bright and early at 9:30 with my Advertising in Pop Culture class. That should be fun.

I adore having a television in my dorm. Watching Will and Grace at night is one of life's simple pleasures. As is a nice bowl of Tomato Basil soul at La Madeleine followed by some delicious chocolate cake. This week has been relaxing.

On another note, I want to list a few goals specific to this semester.

1) Go to bed early enough to manage with 8-9 am classes. This falls between 11pm-1am.
2) Following that, I want to try and shower by 10 pm every night unless otherwise impossible.
3) Find time to work out every day, either by attending a Texercise class or various cardio/weight resistance.
4) Write neat and legible notes.
5) Stay awake in every class.
6) Spend a little bit of time every night/afternoon on my Scholarship/FinAid stuff.
8) Only eat out on weekends. Otherwise use Dine-In-Dollars.

I think that's everything. Hopefully, I'll be a little more active on this thing.

Help me win! ;; Just vote 5 plx!! <3<3<3

AFI Begin Transmission - NIGHTMARENIKKI337

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Because I should set a few

-Be honest about how I feel to everyone. And to everyone ABOUT everyone.
-Take better care of my health.
-Eat more fruits/veggies, less junk.
-Stop drinking soda.
-Stop consuming High Fructose Corn Syrup and partially/hydrogenated oils
-Take more walks, less naps.
-Go to the damn gym and work out more often.
-Get a better job that will actually aid me in my future career.
-Establish a better beauty routine/improve my hygiene.
-Read quicker, more often, and for my own leisure
-Find more time do make my art and be creative
-Afford and use higher quality make up
-Dress snazzier
-Pay for my own shit
-Lose 15 pounds.
-Get down to at least size 8.
-Go out more often
-Get more out of living in an awesome town.
-Find a decent apartment to live in later this year.
-Have a sweet living space/kitchen/bathroom all to myseeelf
-Learn to drive and get the damn license.
-Get better at cooking
-Sleep some.
-Watch fucking television.
-Curse a little less.
-Act like a lady
-Meet new people, but keep my old friends close
-Grow up some, but not too much

And I don't feel any different.

Things...kinda sucked and were amazing this year.  All over the place.  Can't say I'm this years biggest fan, per se.  Ah well.  So long 08.


Maybe 09 will bring the promise of change?  I look forward to Obama's presidency.  The new semester should be interesting.  Life goes on, and on and on and on....


See you next year :P